Saturday, December 24, 2011

Yes, I agree 140%

Taken at Coronation Swimming Pool

You fucking Pissing Bowl!

Taken at Coronation Swimming Pool

Saturday, December 10, 2011

MUST READ: The Client (Wife and Child) VS. The Service Provider (Husband)

Here is an original piece written by my wife to me as if to highlight a complaint to a service provider. And of course like all service providers, I replied by pushing everything back to the clients. Have Fun!

Dear Husband (The service provider)
We, the clients (Wife & Child) are writing to you as we have observed that your service is not up to our requirement lately.
1)    You are not being proactive towards ensuring all contacts are responded within the service standards set. The calls are not picked up within 3 rings and to our dismay there are a number of dropped calls.
2)    You are late in responding to our requests for technical assistance in person which requires you to make use of some of the hardware. More often than not, the assistance is not up to the SLAs. (Eg: The half broken key which is still stuck to our door)
3)    The issues in hand are not diagnosed properly and there are no advice given to user (the client) on appropriate action. (Eg: The laptop issues.)
4)    You also have failed to identify and escalate situations requiring urgent attention. (Eg: Leaking roof)
5)    You are not preparing your reports which we have agreed upon (Eg: Finance matters)
6)    You are not up-to-date with the current changes of the client. (Eg: The child now can say pppel for Apple and nana for Banana)
As such, there will be a conf-call at 2.00 pm and 9.30 pm (Malaysian time) on a daily basis starting from today to discuss some of the issues and how we can improve the SLAs which was signed on the 02/11/2008 on our Marriage registration day.  The attendance for the conf-call is compulsory.
In addition, we are expecting you to make up for all the short comings and to treat us on the 19th and 20th Dec. You will bear the consequences if you fail to remember these dates. (Do keep our budget in mind)
In conclusion, kindly at all times ensure that you operate in a highly professional manner that meets the needs of the client within a FAMILY environment.

The Clients (Wife & child)


Dear Wife & Child (The Client)

Please find my explanations on your grouses below.

1)    Recently I have been overwhelmed with my other contractual obligations such as doing my job which would in turn generate revenue for you. Should I forego this core responsibility, you as the client will see huge losses and the situation will escalate to a crisis. Should call not be picked up or dropped moving forward, please respond with a text message and you will receive a text reply or a call after 3 hours or more. Please bear in mind that I (The service provider) am very concerned about you (the client’s) well being.

2)    This I am afraid should not be held against the service provider as there have been numerous request from my side for a tool that has been provided to you (The Client) stored in a designated area but now it has mysteriously gone missing. The service provider cannot be spending redundantly for tools that have already been purchased. An item that needs to be highlighted here is that the service provider has also risked a life to climb to high places to provide protection to you (the client’s) e.g. ceiling lock for the entrance to the water tanks.

3)    The service provider shall not meddle with issues that concern common sense. Thanks.

4)    Another issue that cannot be held against the service provider because this has been brought to your (the client’s) attention to provide the service provider with the number of the third party but unfortunately, it is not heeded and thus the service provider cannot be held responsible. If you would like the issue to be highlighted to the third party, please provide the number by today to avoid delays.

5)    Genuinely a mistake on the service provider’s side and due apologies will be made.

6)    It is not the service provider’s fault that the client starts talking before the official meetings on weekends. However, as the service provider, I am very keen to see this action in place and would like to schedule a call for this.

Conf Calls have been scheduled based only on the client’s free time but no consideration has been given to the service provider’s free time. The service provider will only answer the call if free. Although improving SLAs are of key objectives, but answering calls was not part of the SLA signed. I have taken the liberty to check the mantra chanted on the Wedding day as well (apart from the official contract) and nowhere in Sanskrit has a phone been mentioned.
The Service Provider guarantees that these days will not be forgotten and to compensate for the losses which occurred because of the finance reports not being prepared, the service provider accepts the penalty of providing a treat to the clients.
The Service Provider will operate at its capacity and make sure obligations are met. However, if there is undue stress from the client, the service provider may expire from a broken heart.


The Service Provider (Husband)